he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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