a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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