i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
