My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
