I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
