It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
