is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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