I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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