and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
