he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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