I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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