And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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