I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
