i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize