She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
