Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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