I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
