also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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