Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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