I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize