oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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