Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
