You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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