I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You're like the curious george of whores
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The air taste purple.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
