i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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