I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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