i just wanna soil my oats bro
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
