Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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