he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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