I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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