Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
