The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
