Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
