The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
