Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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