So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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