Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
