I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's blow job season.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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