I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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