Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
