Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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