Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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