Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
