Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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