She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
