Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
