You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
