She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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