I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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