my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
