the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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