when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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