If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
