wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
