that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
