well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
