You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
