I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish I only lived at night.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
