he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
