I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize