Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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